Devil’s Nest Cycle: The Van Halen Method I&II
The Van Halen Method I
[MARGARETA, a large woman with a mane of sweaty blond hair tied up, red faced, wears sweatpants—she comes from the gym, talks to EMILIA.]
You are ruining his personality! Your son is not shy! Lucian is sad! I saw you do it when you came to the bar and you did it again today. You’re destroying him socially. You don’t let him speak for himself. You don’t let him handle his business. You’re destroying him! You’re annihilating him socially! You’re humiliating him!
You’re like my cousin Maria! I told her, ‘You’re destroying your daughter! She might be a brilliant student but you’re destroying her!’ And now, she’s sorry she didn’t listen to me. Her daughter never went out while she was in high school. All she did was walk from school—three streets further—and back home. When she went to medical school, she fell in love with a guy who, after sleeping with her, took off. Iulia took a fistful of pills to kill herself because her mom told her it was a sin not to marry the man who took your virginity. Maria stayed with the same drunken guy who cheated on her with every peasant woman he could,--I bet she never had an orgasm,--and now her daughter divorced twice two good-for-nothing womanizers and moved back with her mom, because her mom wanted to have a doctor in the house and her daughter can’t survive away from her mom and they hate each other but this is what Maria did to her daughter. It will be the same with you and your son! Mark my word!
He’s growing up. His biological clock is ticking! You might feel like you are 20, but the truth is you are about to enter menopause! He’s not a boy anymore, the hormones are driving him crazy. It’s the age of masturbation. If he doesn’t go out with girls, he’s 14, from 13 to 15 his personality forms and you already lost a year, if you don’t let him be a man and speak for himself the hormones may push him into paranoia, who knows? He’ll grow up to like women who are like you, who talk in his place and think for him and when he grows up he’ll marry such a woman who’ll steal him away from you and turn him against you and you’ll lose him.
This is how it’s going to be, mark my words! Why, haven’t you seen men who love older women? Do you know what gerontophilia is? It’s like pedophilia, people who love kids, but gerontophiles are people who love older women! It’s like the first love he has he’ll always look for that. If she’s petite, he’ll look for petites, if she’s a big woman, he’ll always fall for big women. This is it. You know what you’ll be doing to him? You’ll make him fear women and turn him into a homosexual! Because homosexuals are not all because of the chromosomes, oh, no! When they go to the army they examine them to see if they have healthy reflexes and insert the finger in their rectum and touch their scrotum thru the rectum and they instantly have an erection. The pleasure they get thru the scrotum is infinitely more pleasurable than the one thru vaginal copulation, plus they don’t have to work at it at all, so handsome as he is, the homosexuals will snatch him! I’m warning you! Let him speak for himself! And I know, I know, Even if he’s gay I love him all the same because he’s mine! But it’s abnormal, whichever way you look at it! Homosexuality is abnormal! Here they say it’s normal. It’s not! There’s too much freedom here! It’s debauchery! Maybe it was the right amount of freedom in the ‘40s and ‘50s, but now it’s abnormal and we should not take it as if it’s normal. Homosexuality can be tolerated, but it’s not normal!
Why don’t you drink coffee? Do you have an illness?
I don’t want to interfere with you, but I told Maria and now she is sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t talk, I was afraid to have children myself. But it’s crucial for him to know that you are his mom. You are not his friend; don’t discuss your hardship with him! Soon you’ll teach him to hate life! Don’t tell him like you did at the bar, I don’t know what will happen to us, the landlord won’t let us stay two in that room. No, no, no! He’s a child! He’s a sad child! Tell him, We’ll do something! The way I came to America, I’ll figure out something! You are not his friend! You’re his parent. Let him have a childhood! Inform him about what’s going on, but don’t burden him!
I’ll do a test with you. You might know it because it has been in magazines. I was a trained psychologist at home.
Think about a person. Don’t tell me who it is, keep it to yourself, and okay, now you are walking thru a forest and you suddenly see an animal. A bear? What do you do? You stare at it. You don’t run, but you don’t do anything, you are scared. You walk more and you see a house. What does it look like? Like a peasant house with a flower garden and no fence? No fence. Does it have several floors? Just one. What does the living room look like? Polished parquet floor, a few cushions on the floor, a breezy open window with a white curtain fluttering in the wind. The house seems to be beaming with light, beaming with light when you look at it from the outside! You go in the back yard and you find a cup. What kind of cup is it? A pottery cup, with a peasant design on it. What do you do with it? Take it inside the house, scrub it clean and drink from it. Okay. In the backyard there is water. What kind of water? A pond. It is deep and you need to cross it. How do you cross it? There is a small boat there, and you row it yourself across the water. Alright.
Well: you are not ill. What illness are you afraid of? Heart attack. From stress. No, you are sane. The relationship you have with the person you walked thru the woods is fragile. You are the one who works on maintaining it. I don’t know what to say about this relationship… It’s beneath your social status! You would like to marry, but don’t do anything to make it happen. You are not going to bed with a guy just to get laid. You don’t care so much about looks as about his behavior. You don’t care much about sex. If you don’t have some for three months you go on without it just fine. You put out there what you should have kept private, way private, but the real important thing you keep it to yourself. You don’t have a focus, you don’t really know what you want, you don’t finish things, you let it go right before finalizing it. You don’t do much for yourself, but you always succeed when you do things for others. You are a sad person, but one who has seen miracles done in her life. When you are in an almost impossible situation, you see the waters parting and you cross the sea untouched! You’ve met with miracles.
For each animal there is a meaning. The bear is the state of your health. What about a squirrel? A squirrel says something about you too, because everything comes out of your subconscious! A squirrel is a woman that you are afraid would upscale you socially! Was such a woman in your past that you brought into your house and she stole your husband? Or were you afraid she was outshining you in society? Think about it. That’s what a squirrel means!
I studied this technique and used it. Well, you’ve heard about the Section Number Four! That was the real Securitate, Secret Police Department people, not the cretin boots, no! They were highly intelligent people, like FBI here. My boss knew 14 languages, including Cantonese and what’s the other dialect the Chinese speak? It’s not coming to my mind. Highly educated people. He went to Tibet regularly!
I’ve seen the videotape when they judged him after the revolution and he said, Your Honor, you’ve just destroyed my hard work of 20 years! This foreign journalist that works officially for the BBC is a double agent for the FBI and KGB. He pointed them out in the audience. That one over there who works for Le Monde actually is a triple agent for the KGB, FBI and Securitate. Whom do you work for, Your Honor? Why do you want to destroy me?They were highly intelligent. What we had there was Van Halen parapsychology! They did mass manipulation! It is proven that the brain can be manipulated. Every 39th image we see is registered in the brain! Like with Coca Cola. Do you know how they came up with the ad Drink cool and cold? It was in a western and the actor drank Coca Cola and then it was proven 95% of the audience went after the movie and drank Coca Cola. The other 5% were the carriers; they didn’t drink Coca Cola but went home and told other five people to drink Coca Cola, cool and cold! These are the carriers that are of interest to us, who can disseminate the message. It is a hypnotic process. After the revolution my boss said, We have to do a study because I bet they used the Van Halen method here! Why is everybody so vehement about Iliescu, a man they never knew? Let’s look into it. And we taped enormous amounts of material from public TV and we saw: every 39th image had “Fight for Iliescu!” written in the background and it registered in their subconscious. People were willing to hit other people in the head for Iliescu! It was Van Halen!
In addition, Iliescu is a freemason! They are the ones who rule the world! It’s a centuries old network, very powerful.
[She brings a book to EMILIA.] Look at this book: he wrote the introduction, look here. [Voices approach the door. She hides the book.] Oh, give it back to me. My husband doesn’t like me to talk about the masons.
[Door opens. STEVE and LUCIAN enter.]
How was it, honey? Is he good? I told you he’s a great kid! Darling, take off your T-shirt and wipe your handsome torso with this towel. What are you giggling about? You’re a young man now! You are handsome. You have to take care of your mom! You’re the man now! Others get married at your age! Have some feta cheese pie!
The Van Halen Method II
Margareta’s Complaint Letter
DEAR MR. Chairman
This letter is more than a complaint, is the echo of my conscience that I fulfilled my duty as an honest citizen. My first impulse was to contact a major newspaper, however I didn’t want to underestimate your personality, position and authority. This letter’s main intention is to bring a very serious matter to your attention since as far as I am concerned, I stopped looking for a solution. Even if someone important in a high position would order justice, there is always someone else at the counter level that will tell you, “Your request can not be processed, you need an impossible document like proof of being Catholic baptized in a communist country!” I don’t intend to be sarcastic and I don’t want to lose my sense of humor. Everything works like the present political scenario: It doesn’t matter who orders the recounting of the votes, what matters is who does it. Mentioning that I am writing this letter in my name, my husband’s name and in the name of every honest person everywhere and everything I had to go through trying to obtain a small loan from Chase Manhattan Bank was a real psychological war, these are the facts:
My background is of German origin, born in Romania. I fluently speak seven languages, I have a PHD in clinical psychology and in Europe I worked in Diplomacy. During my numerous trips to the U.S., I met Stefan Bogic, U.S. army veteran. We got married in ‘96, the beginning was rough but not impossible, the hardest part was dealing with the frustration of who you were and who you are.
Until ‘99 we had a business which was not that great but we filed for taxes as self-employed. At last, we closed the business. In other words we lead a typical middle class life.
The year 2000 was a little better, me temporarily employed by the government for a Special operation and my husband, superintendent for five buildings in Manhattan, good income, rent-free apartment and utility bills paid by the company.
The little financial problems that we still have are not great, but real. I didn’t think it was going to be a problem for us to obtain a small loan which would’ve helped me pay for some dental work, and also a credit card, to have one lower payment every month. When my husband and my friends heard of this, they all laughed and called me an idealist.” Do you really believe an honest working person who doesn’t know anybody involved with the traffic of influence in the loan department, has any chance of getting a penny?” they all said. An important piece of this puzzle is a Ms. Jane or Jenny, a friend of every analyst. Unofficial sources reveal that she “accepts” 10% of the loan amount to facilitate its approval.
I didn’t believe any of this, have my own philosophical theory about this amazing country and its creditory system, which raised the quality of life, before the Latin-American invasion at least. To prove all this, I simply went to the Manhattan branch on 14th st. and 7th ave. and I filled out an application for a 13 thousand dollars installment loan. A pleasant surprise was Ms. C. Allen, a customer service representative, born to work with people, the only one that gave me emotional support during this “terror of impossible documents” only to find out at last that I don’t deserve to be helped, for an unsecured loan I found it normal to have a cosigner. Our friend Anthony Bodolan, computer engineer, employed by the same company for 20 years, Chase customer for 17 years, 90 K/yr was our cosigner. One week after submitting the application we went in to find out about its status. Ms. Allen checks the computer and she can’t find my name. She calls and she finds out that it was disregarded due to the fact that my husband is a superintendent and we don’t pay rent. We have his work contract to prove this but they don’t care. Standard of the narrow mind, you are either owner or you pay rent. We fill out the application again. Two days later we need the cosigner’s last five paystubs. At this point the narrow mind kicks in again. He has direct deposit with Chase. They don’t care. We bring a copy of the last statement. The next day we proof of address for cosigner. We suggest them to check the computer for this info due to his 17-year Chase account. The answer was, ‘It’s not our job!’ We had to go home and bring a copy of his last Chase statement, which he gets from Chase every month and that was the proof of address! Two days later they want a copy of is W2 form. At this point we felt harassed. We called the I.R.S. Our suspicion proved to be true. It’s against the law to copy a W2 form, it’s too personal. Somebody from the loan dept. doesn’t care so we had no choice but to make a copy and send it to Chase. Something is still no good. Two days later the old rent issue comes up again. How come we don’t pay rent and why not. Now they want my husband’s work contract, the same one they disregarded before. We brought it in. The next day they want the latest four pay stubs and two days later they want a letter from the company stating that he works for this company and company pays our utility bills. They don’t care that this is shown in the contract, they want extra and extra and extra proof. We provide this. Is still not good. They want the returned company checks that we cashed with Chase. They refuse to verify this with their records. At this point my husband’s employer gets annoyed. Within the next week they needed some kind of document every day. We had to run back and fourth in order to provide to Chase every detail of our life. With my husband’s weekly net income of $600 plus my salary, with no utility bills, no children or any other obligation, with a cosigner’s $1500/wk income, we didn’t qualify for a $1300 Chase loan. It looks like the “10% tip” story is not a fairytale. A Scandinavian saying says, “There is no smoke without fair”. In an eventual answer from you, I would like to know the REAL REASON why I couldn’t get this loan. Is it because my Jewish skin color, is it because we are overweight, is it because we don’t like the blue color…?
MR. Chairman, due to your financial and social position, you are probably among the first 100.000 people of this country, and us among the other 200 millions. It is in your power too, to guard this perfect mechanism of democracy, which is AMERICA.
Give justice to the honest and hard working people and nurture this holly heritage for as long as your position allows it and as long as your name is Shipley, Harrison, Coulter, Garonzik, Layton or Lee!
If in the future (conformably with the demographic explosion), there will be a Fernandez, Dominguez, etc. in your position, you will be exactly in the situation I am now. I am not racist, am just realistic and what I’m affirming right now is a matter of anthropological evolution, education, mentality and probably 200 years from now they will say the same thing about other races. What will we, normal people do until then? Do we go to the CHASE MANHATTAN BANK, “WHERE THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP IS NOTHING?"
With respect and consideration
Well, here you have it: If you’d like to throw a bit of money my way to keep my endeavors going, and also enable me to spread the money to my various causes, witnessing democracy, freedom of speech and faith, and engineering social change thru art being one of them, I’d be grateful.
July 5th, 2013